We often think of “being tantric” as being incredibly sensual and exceptionally magnetic towards others. The idea of androgyny tends to be far from the arena of what tantra, and especially neo-tantra, tends to teach.
What if this sexualized idea takes us far away from the bliss that we seek.
A Different Meaning of Androgyny
Although we normally consider someone to be androgynous who seems to look neither masculine nor feminine, it is also defined as someone who carries both masculine and feminine characteristics.
In tantra, these masculine and feminine characteristics are not referring to physical looks. It doesn’t mean a woman who has short hair and wears suits or a man who has long hair and flowing clothing. These are simply combining societies norms for the different genders. It has nothing to do with true masculine or feminine energies.
True masculine and feminine are aspects of ourselves that dance and support each other. It is the blending of masculine logic and feminine intuition that creates genius. It is the dance of inspiration and manifestation that creates the bliss an artist feels as they create a painting. It is the act of self love of giving (masculine) to ourselves what we truly need (feminine). It is being a fierce protector (masculine) of our vulnerable side (feminine).
These are the masculine and feminine energies that come together to create bliss, balance, and happiness within us.
Now, let’s imagine a person that possesses all of these traits. They are happy. They are content. They are excited for what they are creating in their lives. They are truly whole.
They are energetically androgynous.
Tantric Bliss
Many people initially study tantra because they want a deeper connection in relationships. They hear of experiencing orgasmic states, of lovemaking that lasts for hours, and a completely different way to see the world.
Although all of these desires will happen within the practice of tantra, the irony is that the bliss must first happen within ourselves - long before we will experience this with a partner.
My first teacher used to say that we are all capable of walking around in a fully orgasmic state all day long. He couldn’t understand why we didn’t and instead chose to be stressed out all of the time.
Of course, he wasn’t talking about an ejaculatory orgasm. He was talking about being in an orgasmic bliss state. Of feeling the lightness of being. Of feeling a merging of ourselves with the world around us. A sense of vibration and throbbing within at the very idea of being alive.
What’s interesting is that this is not some state you simple “get into”. You don’t just will yourself there or “do the work” and you will just find yourself there. It is actually a beautiful dynamic state that happens when we merge the masculine and feminine within or the masculine and feminine with the world around us.
This brings us back to being androgynous. When we have all of these masculine and feminine qualities within us, we feel a wonderful inner balance and joy. When inspiration comes (feminine), we know that we will manifest it (masculine). As we walk outside in the sun, we will open our bodies and receive (feminine) the warmth of the sun’s rays (masculine).
We essentially are completely whole all the time in this beautiful dance of the masculine and feminine within and with the world around us.
What About Relationships?
One of the challenges of experiencing tantric bliss in relationships is that we haven’t been able to feel this bliss within. So, we seek that completion with another person. Perhaps we have trauma within that blocks us from the potential strength of our masculine. Maybe we don’t believe we are worthy, so we can’t receive and surrender.
And so we will try to experience these dynamics with another person. However, if we can’t experience it within, we definitely won’t be able to experience it with another because other people are scary. It was experiences with other people that created our inner blocks to begin with.
This inner disconnect is what drives us to partner. It is what creates a craving and the necessity to find someone to make us feel whole and loved. This creates a desperation and often a co-dependency that will not allow this blissful energy to flow between two people and have the tantric experiences that we want to have.
Androgyny & Relationships
So, are energetically androgynous people attracted to other people? Yes. But there is no need for the relationship or attachment to something happening. If they love being in the masculine energy and therefore pursue someone and their desire is reciprocated, cool. And if it isn’t, that’s great too.
If someone loves being in the feminine polarity, they will simply see if the other person approaches them. If they do, great. If not, also great. There is no disappointment if it doesn’t work out because it isn’t required for their happiness.
If there is a magnetic match, these people feel completely free to dive into the magnetic excitement of a coupling. Within this union, it is easy to flow energetically with each other in the same way they flow within themselves. There are no walls or guards against each other and so the energy flows effortlessly.
How Do We Become Androgynous and Whole?
Find your inner balance and happiness through opening ourselves to these inner masculine & feminine dynamics.
Listen within (feminine), trust what we hear, and take action (masculine). This gives us great confidence in ourselves.
Give (masculine) ourselves what we truly need and then receive (feminine) what we are given. This brings about this inner connection we call self-love and happiness.
Strengthen your inner protector (masculine) so that you can dive deep into your vulnerable and sensitive (feminine) self. This creates a fierceness to protect ourselves that allow us to go deep within the chaos of emotions and difficult truths so that we can truly live our authentic path.
Receive (feminine) the wonders of the world around us. Receive every breath that comes in. Receive the sunshine and the rain. Receive help from others. Receive the beauty of nature, nourishing food, and joyful company.
Give (masculine) to others things that you love to share. Protect and care for others. Volunteer and be kind to others.
There are many ways to feel completely content and happy within ourselves.
This is the journey of tantra, the joy, and the bliss. And it all happens within.
To learn more about tantra and the union of the masculine and feminine, please visit katrinabos.ca. There you will find online courses like “Foundations for Tantric Intimacy” and “Living in Masculine & Feminine Union”. My book “Tantric Intimacy: The Magic of True Connection” is a wonderful place to start as well!
At the time of this writing, I am completing the manuscript for my new book which is being released in Spring 2023 called “The Union of the Masculine & Feminine”. Please join my email list at katrinabos.ca/subscribe to be kept up to date on its release!