The Struggle of Not Feeling Like We Belong
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The Struggle of Not Feeling Like We Belong
But what if it's our differences that actually connect us?
Well, I just got back from teaching at the Toronto Tantra Festival. What an interesting experience!
One theme that came up with some of us was the idea of "belonging". One of my friends felt that he didn't belong because of some of the "dude" energy coming from some of the men. He felt like he'd been transported back to his school days feeling like an outsider.
Personally, I often struggle with why I am teaching there. The festival tends heavily towards the "neo-tantric world", meaning that there is a lot of focus on sexuality, releasing shame and fear, consent, etc. But I tend towards the classical tantric, spiritual way. So, sometimes, I have a hard time blending my world with their world... and this is why I sometimes struggle to share the festival with others because just because you're drawn to my work doesn't mean that you'd be drawn to the highly-sexual vibe of the festival.
And yet, the organizers really like having me there.
Why? Because I'm different. Because I offer the classical perspective. Because I'm not scary and I'm a safe place for participants to land.
In this sense, I BELONG BECAUSE I AM DIFFERENT. It is my difference that contributes to the group... not my similarities.
I think that this is where we often get into trouble. We believe that in order to belong, we must be like other people. It is the mono-cultural/clan thinking that many of us were brought up with. We have to be the same. We don't know how to exist being different... and yet CONNECTED.
It’s interesting when you sit back and think about how you want to be perceived. We often don’t want to be lumped in with the others. We actually do want to be seen for our individuality. We want to be our true unique selves.
I think that one of the challenges is that sub-groups often form made up of people who are all similar in some way. This creates cliques that we are not a part of. This is where we feel left out, judged, and less than others.
I would love to know your thoughts on this. I would love to know your experience and wisdom!
Where have you experienced this struggle to belong?
How do your differences help you fit in with the whole group?
Is it because we struggle with self-esteem that this is even an issue?
I’d love to know your thoughts and have a discussion together!
The Struggle of Not Feeling Like We Belong
I have struggled with fitting in my whole life. I have had severe social anxiety, and always feel judged and "not enough". Too weird, too different, too quiet, too whatever. And yet, for some reason I was called to take a GIANT leap out of my comfort zone and go to this Tantra festival, knowing full well I would be spending 90% of my time there alone. And I did it! I went, I talked to strangers, I danced naked, I attended workshops, faced my Demons and released all kinds of old crap that had been buried for decades, and not once did I feel like I didn't belong. Not once! I had my issues, but never felt that I shouldn't be there. I realized that everyone there was dealing with their own weird, just as I was. Katrina, you are very respected there. I talked to so many people who had heard you talk last year, or had read your books or watched your videos and wanted to hear more. Your down-to-earth perspective of tantra balances the carnival atmosphere and makes it all real. Real life real. People realize tantra is not just ren-faire, it is a real life path. This is why you are needed there, to give the event a huge and comforting dose of reality. Your presence was acknowledged and appreciated by so many searchers there, specifically because you embrace your own truth so effortlessly, and share that truth so openly with everyone around you. Without that balance, the festival would be nothing but junk food, filling people up but leaving them ultimately empty.
This was such an interesting read Katrina and so spot on. I have felt different all my life. When I was quite young people treated me different, usually avoidance because of an family tragedy. And so I started to act up so people rejected me even more, I guess I thought I’d get in there first! Growing up I’ve just never felt I fitted in with groups of people which is sad because I’m really quite fun to be with. For me, it’s not a self esteem issue, I’ve just felt judged (omg, I’ve just realised I was doing the judging as much as feeling judged 🤦♀️)
I love the concept of embracing our differences when in this kind of situation. How can we learn to grow if we surround ourselves with like minded people, we should learn to cherish and embrace being different especially teaching kids growing up.