What Are You Paying Attention To?
Escaping the Dream and Creating our Own True Life
I’ve always had ideas about my ideal life. It could be a morning routine, what I eat, my level of fitness, my peace of mind, or what my typical day looks like. However, it has never (or very seldom) looked like that. Because of this, I’ve oscillated between being critical of my lack of willpower or focus to just allowing the Universe to unfold as perhaps it’s meant to be.
And yet, something niggles inside at me that there is an “ideal” way for this incarnation called “Katrina Bos” would be happiest living.
This morning, I was reading two different books that opened up some ideas about what might be going on.
Going in the Wrong Direction
“I seemed to be intent on heading off in the same wrong direction
at the beginning of my journey.”
Sharon Blackie, “If Women Rose Rooted”
Have you ever felt like this? Maybe you’ve wanted to change your daily routine to fit in yoga or a morning walk. Perhaps you’ve wanted to kick a particular habit that is harming you and you are intent on changing it once and for all…
Then you find yourself heading off in the wrong direction… again and again.
This deeply resonates with me.
I like to think of myself as a relatively conscious person, and yet the patterns in me take me down well-worn routes (or perhaps ruts). At the age of 55, I no longer criticize myself but more observe myself in a kind of wonder, my witness mind playing with her chin as she says, “Hmmm… interesting.”
As I read this line this morning, I realized that I would observe myself at the point where there is a fork in the road and I begin to walk down that well-worn, but wrong path.
Note: I too balk a bit at calling it the “wrong” path. However, in this case, there is a sense inside of me of a True Path… one that is calling me. And so, I am naming all other choices the “wrong” to help me realize that this is perhaps not my path at all.
Our Attention Creates Our Reality
“Attention is the ability we have to discriminate and to focus only on that which we want to perceive. We can perceive millions of things simultaneously, but using our attention, we can hold whatever we want to perceive in the foreground of our mind.”
Don Miguel Ruiz, “The Four Agreements”
Then, I shifted gears and pulled out “The Four Agreements”, an oldie but a goodie.
Ruiz was talking about the moment when he realized that he was simply light - that everything was light - and there was a Dream that flowed around us and between us that obscured this beautiful fact of who we truly are.
What we learned about life was based on who grabbed our attention - first, our parents, church leaders, teachers, friends, family, newspapers, Hollywood, and in today’s day, social media. Every moment that we spent focused on these things, formed how we understand the world and ourselves.
All of these early and continual trainings define every moment of our days. What we choose to think about in every second of today is based on what we have placed our attention on in the past and now deem important and worthy of thought.
Perhaps THIS is why we keep heading down the “wrong” path each day. Perhaps all of this past attention has created the paths that society, our parents, the church, Hollywood, and the media think that we should be walking down.
No Small Thing to Shift
As I ponder this, I have so slow waaaaaaaayyyyy down.
Let’s take a deep breath together here and just allow our minds to come to a quiet place within us.
Recently, one of the ideas that I’ve been paying attention to is the importance and joy of fitting quiet, nothing, empty time into my days. I love my active mind, but it can truly start to spin out of control without deep quiet times to balance it (where, ironically, I also get amazing new and fun ideas).
I have been paying attention to prioritizing fun and joyful movement in my everyday life. As a writer and teacher, I often get lost in my head and the computer and before I know it, it’s bedtime and I didn’t move my body all day! So, I created an online Dance Collective where I teach short dance breaks throughout the week. I’ve been a dancer and dance teacher for a long time and because this is my favourite kind of movement, it made sense.
The simple act of PAYING ATTENTION to movement and quiet time has drastically altered how I feel in my days.
Finding Our True Path
Another big part of this journey is watching what we are thinking about.
When drama comes into my life, I watch which ones I chew on and get upset about. Sometimes they are important because we are sorting something out to find a solution. But often, they are just distractions.
And so, it’s good to pay attention to what we are paying attention to. Why am I so obsessed with this topic? Why can’t I let it go? Is there wisdom in it for me? Is it an old wound that is being poked and this obsession is telling me that it’s time to heal that wound?
Perhaps we simply have to allow ourselves to believe that there is an ideal path that is perfect for us… and that it’s worth paying attention to what we are paying attention to so that we can consciously break free of the Dream and the patterns that have influenced us (within the masses).
Yes. Here’s to slowing down a little bit more and watching for those subtle forks in the road that make all of the difference.
⭐️ Katrina Bos is a tantra teacher, author, and mystic. You can find out about her courses, books, 1-1 opportunities, and live classes at KATRINABOS.CA.
⭐️ If you would like a copy of her free ebook: How to Hear and Trust Your Intuition, please click HERE.
⭐️ If you would like to dance live with amazing folks from around the world, please check out the DANCE COLLECTIVE HERE.